Inertia
from Abyss of Time by James Paddock
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Full Digital Discography
Get all 40 James Paddock releases available on Bandcamp.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of SIGIL II - The MIDI Soundtrack, Abyss of Time, Abyss of Time (Instrumentals), Swallow [ft. The Final Event & Keagan Dunn] - SINGLE, Impossible - SINGLE, The Penalty [ft. Marian Paddock] - SINGLE, Destroyer of Worlds - SINGLE, Invasive EP, and 32 more.
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about
My worst emotional lows are usually tied directly to my level of creative output. This piece was initially written during the final year of my Bachelor Degree, at a point where I was seriously struggling with a sense of not belonging, of not performing to targets, and not feeling willing to conform to the restraints I was being put under. It is by some small miracle that I didn't flunk.
In areas vastly outside of my comfort zone, I am fundamentally unable to creatively function. Time pressures, exacerbators of depression or anxiety, and other unwelcome extrinsic limitations all played a part in how I felt towards the end of my studies.
There are few feelings worse than being faced with a blank canvas, stifled and deadlocked creatively, knowing that the clock is ticking and the result is what your success will heavily depend on. I liken this sensation to aphantasia, the inability to conjure mental imagery, believed to be suffered by 3% of people worldwide. The cause of mental blocks can be extremely hard to pinpoint, let alone overcome, and not much research has been done on the condition of aphantasia.
I have observed over the years that during my dreams I am often much more animated and emotionally driven, and some of my best musical ideas have come from words, sounds or full melodies that I have heard during dreams. To date, this state of being is not something I've been able to consciously harness during waking hours, but I hold out hope that perhaps there is a way for me to do so. Oh to have that creative energy available on demand.
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In areas vastly outside of my comfort zone, I am fundamentally unable to creatively function. Time pressures, exacerbators of depression or anxiety, and other unwelcome extrinsic limitations all played a part in how I felt towards the end of my studies.
There are few feelings worse than being faced with a blank canvas, stifled and deadlocked creatively, knowing that the clock is ticking and the result is what your success will heavily depend on. I liken this sensation to aphantasia, the inability to conjure mental imagery, believed to be suffered by 3% of people worldwide. The cause of mental blocks can be extremely hard to pinpoint, let alone overcome, and not much research has been done on the condition of aphantasia.
I have observed over the years that during my dreams I am often much more animated and emotionally driven, and some of my best musical ideas have come from words, sounds or full melodies that I have heard during dreams. To date, this state of being is not something I've been able to consciously harness during waking hours, but I hold out hope that perhaps there is a way for me to do so. Oh to have that creative energy available on demand.
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lyrics
This makeshift cell
Confines me in my head
If you couldn't tell
The well is dry and dead
What do you do
When inspiration doesn't come to you?
Chasing this inertia away
I'm losing touch with feeling
In apathy I'm reeling
Caught in my interior ways
I'm staring at the ceiling
Willingness receding
Impatiently
Await the seasons' change
Slithering through me
I can feel the age
What do you do
When all the muses have abandoned you?
Chasing this inertia away
I'm losing touch with feeling
I've scarcely room for breathing
Caught in my interior ways
I'm longing for believing
That this beast will leave me, yeah
But now my grief reigns supreme
I'm imprisoned between waking and sleep
At least the darkness keeps
The world invisible, yeah
But in my dreams, you'd see "me" –
A thousand times more "me" than I'll ever be
Can I harness this
Or is it fictional?
What can I do
When I just can't see eye to eye
With my mind's eye?
Confines me in my head
If you couldn't tell
The well is dry and dead
What do you do
When inspiration doesn't come to you?
Chasing this inertia away
I'm losing touch with feeling
In apathy I'm reeling
Caught in my interior ways
I'm staring at the ceiling
Willingness receding
Impatiently
Await the seasons' change
Slithering through me
I can feel the age
What do you do
When all the muses have abandoned you?
Chasing this inertia away
I'm losing touch with feeling
I've scarcely room for breathing
Caught in my interior ways
I'm longing for believing
That this beast will leave me, yeah
But now my grief reigns supreme
I'm imprisoned between waking and sleep
At least the darkness keeps
The world invisible, yeah
But in my dreams, you'd see "me" –
A thousand times more "me" than I'll ever be
Can I harness this
Or is it fictional?
What can I do
When I just can't see eye to eye
With my mind's eye?
credits
from Abyss of Time,
released November 3, 2023
license
all rights reserved
tags
about
James Paddock England, UK
Composer, singer, artist, and video game developer.
discography
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Nov 2023 -
Dec 2023 -
Aug 2023 -
Nov 2023
contact / help
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